"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Farmville is her only friend.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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