god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
