i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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