love makes seman taste better
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
