Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize