I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
