I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
