well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
