but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
