So drunk its hurt
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
