is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
