If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
