There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
