Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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