you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i out mim tonsoeep
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