i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
