I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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