woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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