i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
