i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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