you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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