I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
