Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
