bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
