if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
