What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
