i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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