the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
