It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
