he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
