I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
