i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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