Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
