don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
