The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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