We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
