Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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