ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
