I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
