so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
