apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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