duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
