Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
