The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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