drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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