She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize