Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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