i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
