where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
