I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
