He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
