Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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