so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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