so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
