Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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