How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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