Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just pee around me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
