I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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