i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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