my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize