Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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