I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
