I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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