I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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