apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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