i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
