he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
