Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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