I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This baby is an asshole
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
