my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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