before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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