What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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