we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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