please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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