You just made me feel so damn special
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
