i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
