I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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