are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
