I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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