I need to stop coming to work sober
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
