And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
