Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
