I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
