i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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