i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
