So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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