i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize