Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
