Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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