I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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