theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
