Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
