She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
