i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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