wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
