I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Still dying that you shit outside
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
