I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
