i jhust puked up my retainher.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I love having hate sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
