Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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